Are you guilt trapped?

The world is dying to guilt trap, but hey, don't let them! Since our childhood, we are conditioned to blame ourselves for anything that goes wrong. Parents unknowingly put their anxieties on children, use them as their punching bag (metaphorically) as they release their stress, pressures by shouting, beating, or emotionally manipulating their toddlers. Now let me clear things out, I am not saying parents do it intentionally, maybe that's how their parents behaved with them and they think it's normal, or maybe they don't know how to express their emotions, strike a balance between work and personal life resulting in their children facing the brunt. This seems like a vicious cycle with no end. Though there's still hope, and I am an innate optimist.

What makes me say this? It isn't you have read or heard for the first time, nor am I claiming it to be. My only concern is to point out the humongous existence of children trapped in adult bodies. Why? A child who was once blamed for others' problems or maybe for his/her own is now an efficient physician, but deep inside is still yearning to be accepted, loved by his/her father, mother, friends, society, etc. Yearning to be... But why, and hey, how? How can they? They are adults now. Those hugs are too childish, even though that's all they yearn. The burden of being a grown-up, of being an adult with a child hidden within, is a burden one carries until they die.

If you are one of them, here's a little exercise to help you release those layers of someone else's guilt on you. Try this trick for catching yourself going into the past. Set up two glasses on your desk. Name them as past glass and present glass. Get a stash of pennies or jellybeans. Every time you catch yourself in the past because of self-blame or guilt, throw a penny or jellybean into the past glass, and every time you tell yourself, “it is what it is”, throw one into the present glass. Try it for three weeks. Initially, you'll find your past glass filling up fast, while over two weeks it will go down, and hopefully to zero by the end of the third week. This is a weekly exercise. Re-start with a new week, and discover the new you with each passing day. Be consistent, use your imagination, catch yourself drifting to your past, and pop those jellies into the glass that resonates with you the most.

The key is to remind yourself "it is what it is".

You can also try some cognitive restructuring. Redefine yourself as the one who you have always dreamt to be. Once you shift your focus, you will be cheering yourself instead of putting yourself down.

The more you throw yourself back into your daily life, the less you will be dwelling on misguided self-blame and guilt. It's time to outgrow your guilt.