Elaine Lek Opens Up About Her Son's Suicide To Depression

Zen committed suicide on 1st October 2018, one month before his 18th birthday. He was suffering from anxiety disorder and mild depression. Zen's mother, Elaine Lek opened up about the trauma of losing her teenage son and the need to highlight mental illness.

"People talk about sex education in schools, but do they really talk about mental wellness? If we don't use the word suicide, how are we going to talk about it?" asks Elaine Lek

It took more than a year for the bereaved mother to accept the passing away of her son. Elaine recounts how Zen was happy and elated to see her in Melbourne, where he was studying. Lesser did she know, Zen would commit suicide on the same day.

It was 27 September 2018 when Elaine lek flew from Singapore to meet Zen in Melbourne. They ate dinner and made plans for meeting the next day. Elaine left for her hotel, which was at 5 minutes walking distance from Zen's residence. At 1:30 am, 28 September, she received an emergency call from the accommodation manager. Elaine ran from her to Hotel to Zen's residence. Robert, Ms Tio and Zen's room-mate took turns doing CPR on Zen until the paramedics arrived and took him to hospital.

Zen remained in the Intensive Care Unit for three days. During the same time, Elaine found WhatsApp messages from Zen to a friend saying he was "born to be sad." She also found three WhatsApp messages he had sent before he killed himself, showing what he intended to do. The recipients did not or could not help him.

Image credit: Elaine Lek

Until then Elain had no idea of the distress his son was facing. She cuddled Zen on the hospital bed and asked him to forgive her. She recalls, "I thanked him for choosing me to be his mummy for the past 17 years and 11 months... I told him mummy forgives him and asked him to forgive me too. Tears were rolling down his cheeks and that night, he was brain dead."

On Oct 1, Zen died. His parents donated his organs to six recipients.

"I thanked him for choosing me to be his mummy for the past 17 years and 11 months... I told him mummy forgives him and asked him to forgive me too. Tears were rolling down his cheeks and that night, he was brain dead"

Zen wanted to be a psychologist to help others who felt as sad as he did, Elaine explains. "I want to honour the memory and legacy of my son, and my love for him," she says. On Jan 1, she and her family launched the Zen Dylan Koh Fund, in partnership with non-profit organisation Limitless, to raise funds to counsel vulnerable youth, and pursue her son's dream.

On his birthday, a month after he died, she wrote a letter to him asking for forgiveness for the genes she had passed to him. She has found out that eight relatives in her family tree had a mental illness of some kind. Every evening, she and her husband light a candle for Zen. They chat about him and talk to him. "Even if we're travelling, we will light a candle for as long as we live," she says.

Elaine appealed to the friends of mental illness patients that they must not hide information from families, "You may think you are 'betraying' your friend's secret for five minutes, but you would be saving a life."

"You may think you are 'betraying' your friend's secret for five minutes, but you would be saving a life"- Elaine Lek

By Team RSP

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