When I was asked to pick stream after 10th boards I was completely unaware of its importance, I chose science and completed my 12th, by then I have made my mind to complete my graduation and then I would enrol in some designing course. I gave an Engineering entrance test and got selected. Took admission, started college, made friends, forgot about designing, three years gone. The final year of my college and I started feeling lost. Someone suggested go for the professorship, easy job, good stature, beautiful clothes plus easy working hours, you can continue your hobby along with that. Started working for an Engineering University soon after I finished masters and BOOM it hit me like a hurricane. All the voices buried in my head were suddenly out of control, my mind was in chaos, my life was a mess. Everything which was in my subconscious quiet and hidden is now in front of everyone, in the form of my misery, lack of interest in my job and unpleasant behaviour. Still unsure of what exactly was wrong.
I started a Facebook page where I’d upload pictures of my craft and it started helping me. I was finding time to create something. But I never in my wildest dreams have thought of leaving my job. By then I was completely lost and on top of that, I enrolled for PhD. I thought I have had enough, by then I have gone
through a few moments of anxiety, and panic attacks. I left the job soon after, quit PhD. By then I gave birth to a baby girl, I never thought of going back to my job, I started working from home while taking care of her, for the first time in my life I WAS AT PEACE.
Now, people ask me, Oh you are doing this fancy thing, must be so fun. Is it really fun? NO, but am I enjoying it? YES.
Was my old job bad? NO. It was not meant for me. I know so many of my colleagues enjoying every second of teaching the students. And they get all the satisfaction out of it.
If I can tell one thing to my younger self, it would be ACCEPT YOURSELF before you seek acceptance from society, nobody in this world can make you feel content and happy but only you. Initially, I was completely surrounded by self-doubt and looking for answers from people around me. But I realized I am creating a new path for myself, how can I expect directions from someone else, they have never been there how can they help me, I have to explore every aspect myself.
Although it's not been an easy choice, there are sleepless nights, hours and hours of work. But, Finally, I have found my ultimate goal in life which is HAPPINESS.
Neha Sahu, founder of India's first-ever custom hand-painted jutti label, The Haelli.
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